FML

To tell the truth, I had to leave church tonight because I was suddenly wracked with unimaginable pain.  I guess I didn't need to imagine it, I felt it.  What I don't understand is where it came from-why now, after a veryu busy, productive, painfree day is my skin crawling, nerves jangling and I can't focus on anything?

I picked up my stuff, made apologetic gestures, and scooted out of the room, trying hard not to run (not like I can, or maybe I can if motivated) to my car and race home.

Thinking, take another half and I'll be fine.  It was 2 hours early on the schedule I set up, but this could not be denied.  Fuck it, I still had plenty left of my daily dose (40mg, 25 left).

I wanted to take more, at least a whole 10, but talked myself down to just a half when I got home.  Now, 3 hours later, the skin crawls, etc. etc. all over but this time, they are really bad.  The urge is to take a lot, fast, grind it up or chew it, mix it with alcohol, snort it.

Fuck, if I knew a way, I would probably be smoking or shooting.

Showing remarkable restraint, I decide to take one whole 10 mg and swallow it.

I want to call my friend and compare notes on our evenings, did you hurt yourself, too?  Are you feeling what I'm feeling?  Because I am sure you have had your tragedy today, your deep blue low.  How did you fare?  Me?  I'm doing fine now.

Just fine.

Until tomorrow.